Writer's block has been hitting me hard. I want to write, I feel inspired, I feel motivated, and I stare at the screen and can write absolutely nothing. I think I'm an okay writer, definitely better than I was a few years ago, but I just... I don't know. It's tough, dreaming of being a mildly successful novelist but only being able to get 20,000 words before I get stuck in the circular neurosis of writer's block. It doesn't help that I'm stuck using Scrivener instead of the superior secret weapon Wordstar 4.0. I'm mostly joking when I call it superior, but I want it so badly. Dumb machine won't work. Ugh.
A friend of mine told me recently that I am his closest friend, which is strange to me because he's probably my fourth closest friend. I enjoy spending time with him, I know a lot about him, but it just feels... I don't know. He seems like someone I can't really confide in, I guess, even if he was open to it. He thinks like a teenager, is the only way I can put it. He has mental disabilities of some sort and someone told me once that his mental age is significantly lower than his real age (he is 27). I still like him a lot, I am fond of him, but I just can't seem to feel all that close to him.
I bought wine yesterday for the first time. I never bothered with weak alcohol because my mindset is that I want to make cocktails, and also get drunk more efficiently. I don't know a thing about wine, I just grabbed a bottle at random. Pink Moscato, it was like $4 at Dollar General. I like it a lot more than I thought I would, actually, I just drank half the bottle. I want to try a bunch of different kinds and find a few I like. I need a wine glass though, is my problem. For authenticity, or whatever. Right now I'm drinking it out of a glass mug with poorly clothed people on it, which I imagine isn't too authentic.
"Dentist told me I grind in my sleep. He's a real one for that."
I feel very tired right now, I want to read a book but instead I'm just going to sit here and do nothing until my body shuts down for a few hours. Maybe tomorrow will be better, but it probably won't. I was hoping to get some reading done over winter break, but realistically I might not get much done.
Christmas is coming, and then it will be over. The holidays always pass so much faster than I think they will. It's kind of sad, but that's life I guess.