I convinced him not to go in to talk to her armed because if a fight broke out it would look like intent. He's going out for a beer with someone who used to be friends with all of us, and he couldn't get out of it or he would have. Because she's crazy. I think she's easily capable of murder. She's never heard of self-control, and as a result we have all had to make allowances for her craziness.

I have to read She came to stay for a class on Simone deBeauvoir, who wrote it. It's all about life in between the world wars among intellectuals in Paris. DeBeauvoir illustrates her ideas about existential philosophy in it. I haven't finished the book but I know that the main character Francios kills her nemesis Xavier. I've watched the story develop, just as I have watched the situation between my friends (and this is a deep situation that encompasses lots of people) develop. I'm following both stories, and I'm wondering, how does Francios kill Xavier? I know she kills her, but how? Poison? Neglect? Does she maybe use a knife or a gun? I picture this scary bitch charging me with a knife. She's done it to people she cares about, love and hate are pretty close to each other anyway and I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to attack me. I piss her off in some specific way, something deep she can't shake. I don't own any weapons, or know how to use them, so I picture myself breaking a large bottle and facing the attack. If you fight the Devil, fight to win. A nice heavy whiskey bottle. Broken glass does a lot of damage I guess. But I can't kill her, which is really the only thing that would stop her from killing me once she started with the knife. My poor thin wrists, my shaky voice, I get squeamish crushing bugs. It's laughable.

She's making him take her out for a beer because he missed her 21st birthday party. Today I told a friend of mine that the real tragedy of her life is that she reached the age of 21. I hate holding this much hatred for anyone, but I can't seem to let it go. My life is twisted into the lives of those she's messed with, and into hers, like the strands of fiber that twist together to make a thread. I'm not the only one dealing with this, I'm not alone in distrusting her, but that doesn't help. No one who is concerned is going to do anything.

I asked my mother to pray for her. My mom likes to pray for people, and I can't do it. I mean, it's not only that this girl is disrupting my human relationships, I get angry at God (we don't have the best relationship to start with) about this situation. She threatens everything. Of course all she wants is to die, to kill, to destroy, she's horribly angry and badly abused and confused, so she's just lashing out, and there's no reason why she shouldn't get a grip on this at some point and become a better person, but I just don't care.