One of the most awe inspiring attributes of the N64 game The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time features an unstoppable attack by the malevolent residents of Kakariko Village and Lon Lon Ranch. I speak of course, of The Cuckos.

Cue fearful trembling.

Cuckos are, obviously, chickens, and their unstoppable attack can in fact be avoided. However, when you first experience their 3 dimensional wrath at 3 am, after a marathon console gaming session and some BIG coffee they appear pretty damn scary. The cuckos populate the game fairly sparsely, they are found in only a couple of locations. They are involved in a “Hunt-the-Special-Cucko” adventure at the in-game farm, Lon Lon Ranch and also appear in a small sub-quest at Kakariko Village, that well known local dive. Their cute, feathery exterior and friendly clucking hides a hidden depth of evil….

The main talents of the Cuckos in the course of normal gameplay appear to be;

(in order of importance)

Clucking incessantly, flapping when you pick them up, clucking incessantly and not laying any eggs. Ever.

Take a hand held weapon to them however, and they become, The Cucko Death Squad. Enough hits to any Cucko and it and its fellows will turn upon the unsuspecting Link and hound him with inherent savagery to his untimely demise!

Pursued by a raging, pecking, clucking mob, Link’s health is slowly eked away. A vicious quirk of the game means the Cucko’s are invulnerable, hit them and they merely spatter a little polygonal claret, then

Keep on coming!

Until at last, sapped by their nasty little pecking routine, Link falls to the ground and you are greeted with a deathly black GAME OVER.

Unless that is, you decided to go through any doorway in the game, apparently not even The Cucko Death Squad has mastered Shigsy’s amazing door handles.