Some of them were bad guys and some of them were good guys gone bad and some of them were just after me and I was the only one who knew the difference and I was going to kill them all. I had a machine gun at the parade and I started shooting. Anyone who came toward me was an enemy, and that kept coming toward me. If they'd all turned their backs they would have been safe.
Sound was cut off for me. I did not hear the shots I fired nor what was coming out of all the open mouths.
Touch was cut off too - I did not feel the recoil or heat of the gun. I was in a separate spot, watching myself do these things. I think I killed Janet Reno, but only because she came after edebroux. Body after body fell, noiselessly. I watched them only long enough to make sure they would not be getting up again. I did not like to see the blood.
Later, when I had remembered more of my true self. My mother talking to me, alone in a room. "Did you know what you were doing?" How could I explain to her that I had known, but it hadn't been me? I fiddled with the white ribbon with a border of gold. White ribbon, border of gold. White ribbon, border of gold. It was all I wanted to look at, forever.
Dusik caught me stealing quarters. Edebroux was in the van. The new quarters commemorated all kinds of crazy shit, like vice-presidents, and Saturn.
Working in a shelter for kids and dogs. The kids were watching a video put out by Playboy, but it was all Halloween animation shorts. I kept an eye on it in case it turned dirty. I was across the room finishing reports. I couldn't believe how little information the state required we keep. The psych evaluations for the kids included a section for dreams, but we had only 11 characters to explain what troublesome dreams the child had experienced. I complained to Juliana Margulies the next time she passed the table. She was in a pissy mood and didn't want to hear it. "The state just wants us to tell them everything's fine," she said.
I gave up on the kids' forms and started on the dogs. We had two new ones and they were shaken, had been running for a long time. What's your name? I asked gently. She wouldn't answer me, sat quivering next to me. "She's Stella Marie. I'm Monty." said the other one. Stellamarie, I like that. I ran my hand down Stella's back and she licked me once, cautiously. Her eyes were a beautiful pale pink, like opal.