It's strange to think that fifteen years ago I was waiting for my first baby to arrive. I remember being utterly miserable and wondering what I had gotten myself into. I was told I could have the baby early via emergency C-section, or I could go home, stay off my feet, and see what happened. I chose to give my daughter a chance to stay inside a bit longer, and it was the right decision to make. As an impatient person, waiting is hard for me. One of the lessons I'm learning is patience - to be more patient with myself, with others, with life as it unfolds. My mom is letting me borrow her vehicle on Tuesday. After making a list of what I want to accomplish while I have wheels I realized that I may need her car an extra day.
To a certain extent life is something to react to, I couldn't have predicted getting into a car accident until seconds before I got hit. Rearranging the furniture allowed me to set up an office area for myself. I didn't realize how having my binders and papers scattered about was preventing me from greater productivity, but now that everything is in the same place it's amazing how much easier it is to manage the tasks I need done on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. The system is still imperfect, but I'm further ahead than I was before which is encouraging and thrilling. It really is true that things of a similar nature belong together and life is easier when I group bills, books, etc...
Yesterday I had a breakthrough on the health front. I need to figure out how to manage my diseases instead of just pretending they don't exist. I'm going to make a rheumatology appointment, get in to see the eye doctor, purchase some drops for my eyes, and schedule eye breaks throughout the day where I can lie down and rest my eyes. I want to continue taking my daily walks, I haven't gone out today. I slept in and that threw my routine off. Routines are essential for me. I need to set them up and be fairly rigid about adhering to them. Staying up late threw me off, I spent the morning lazing in bed, retrospectively that was probably not the best idea although I don't really regret it. I want to get back to yoga, that made me feel a lot better physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Today Jill goes back to school. I was able to get a ride for her which was great. It's hard because I feel bad about where I'm at financially. It feels like I did all this work to help someone else build up their credit score and now I'm the person having trouble getting a loan from the bank. I have to move past that and understand that sometimes life just isn't fair. I got a really nice email from a friend that helped. I have wonderful friends who give me great advice, my family can be supportive, but I can't always count on them to give the kind of advice I get from my friends. Maybe I'm just not in a place to accept what they're saying, maybe we have too much history, maybe that's just the way it is and why we have family and friends in our lives. Regardless, I'm thankful and happy to have these people around.