That girl wasn't mine. She never was. I was fooling myself around her, living in a fantasy world, which I knew would end, but couldn't accept. And now it has ended, she is back with the one she loves, and I am alone once again.

What is left is only confusion. Feelings for others shattered. Feelings for her scattered. Feelings of jealousy and rage scattered across thousands of people across thousands of miles across an endless sea of time.

What I did was wrong. I've now committed two major sins in my life. I do not regret things that happen in the past, and I cannot take back actions that took place in the past, but I can at least atone for one of my sins.

She should know this, know what I've done, how I've sinned. I haven't talked to her in so long. If I do not confront my demons now, they will forever overcome me. The darkness in my soul is spreading, changing me from the inside; making me into a new person - hateful, greedy, jealous. A few words are all it takes to destroy this blackness.

Nancy, I've been a coward. I've been running for these past 8 years. Running from my feelings for you. If I continue to run, I will continue to change. The darkness will overwhelm me.

I will stop running this weekend. I can't take back these past 8 years, but the atonement must start now.