I woke up, showered, and ran outside into the -16 degree (Celcius
) weather, myriad
s of icy tongues licking what flesh was exposed on my face. I ran to catch my bus to commute to my workplace, and I noticed icicles in my hair. I felt like Holden Caulfield
. I had this in mind as I went through the day.
After my enjoyable job (I'm not being facetious), I went to stand in the plexiglass shelter to wait for the bus back. As I entered, two blacks stared at me. I felt guilty. Guilty! because they looked so beaten and sad and looked at me as if I was their torturer. I'm trying to not give a damn about what others think-- I mean end any altruistic or overly sympathetic behavior I exhibit, in order to worry only about myself. But, confronted with two complete strangers, I was a bit taken aback.
I got back to campus, went to class and came home without any other Caulfieldian experiences. I studied. I drank. I drank and studied.
I feel extremely sad. It may be the alienation I feel, but I tell myself that I don't need anyone (and I believe it).