Date with an android
Mum and Dad are seated, presumably in the family living room, where the scene takes place. Girl is on her way out.
[Girl hurries past Mum and Dad, intent on a quick exit.]
Dad: And just where do you think you're going, young lady?
Girl: [Stops not far from exit and turns to face Mum and Dad] Out.
Dad: Out where? With whom?
Girl: [Defiantly] With Andy.
Dad: The hell you are. My girl's not going out with a tin-head.
Mum: [Mumbles, correcting him] Robot.
Girl: Don't use that word. He's an android, Dad.
Dad: It's a tin-head. You'll never be happy with it.
Girl: Andy's a wonderful android, and I love him! He makes me laugh.
Dad: A spinning top used to make you laugh, when you were five.
Girl: I need different things now than when I was five.
Dad: Like a talking washing machine?
Mum: [Almost simultaneously] You'll never have kids with a robot, you know.
Girl: [Embarassed/exasperated] Mum!
Dad: You're not seeing that tin-head, and that's final. [Glances pointedly at Mum, who is careful to avoid his look.]
Girl: Why do you hate Andy so much? Androids have done so much for our society.
Mum: [Warning] Now, you know androids took you father's job...
Girl: Yeah? Well at least Andy's got a steady job. [Mocking] Isn't that just what you wanted, Dad?
[Dad is furious, but unsure how to reply. Mum is quietly soothing, perhaps gently restraining Dad.]
Girl: [Turns to exit, as she originally intended] You liked him plenty, when he had tickets to the game last week.
Dad: That was before I knew he -- [Pauses]
[Girl faces Dad again, triumphant.]
Dad: You tell that tin-head of yours: if you're home a second after midnight, I'll have his ribs for toaster racks!
[Girl exits.]
Gone in 6 seconds
As the name implies, this sketch is a scaled-down version of the entire show. Individual sketches are 6 seconds long, so they are not very intricate, and there should be rather hectic activity on stage. A 1-2 second transition is all that can be managed, so it's easier if lighting (or some other effect) can be used to focus attention on one area of the stage, where a mini-sketch is happening, while other actors are getting in place for the next sketch or sketches in an adjacent area. As one sketch ends, the lights go out on that part of the stage, and the next sketch starts with the lights going on over the actors already in place. This saves the few seconds of getting the next scene ready...
Host: [Ideally, this is whoever introduced the troupe and/or explained what the whole show is about.] Good evening. Gone in 5 seconds. Harrogate. TenMinJoe.
[Actually, the last two should be whatever other easily recognisable words appear in the introduction/programme, such as the name of someone whose help was acknowledged, etc.]
Sketch 1: Anti-alien hat
Person: Well, sure the aliens got to him. [Points to head.] He wasn't wearing my patented tinfoil hat. [Accidentally touches head, then feels around for a second, with growing horror. There is no hat in evidence.] Shit!
Sketch 2: Mis-proposal
Man: [On one knee, takes woman's hand.] Amanda, you're the only girl for me. Marry me.
Woman: Who's Amanda?!
Man: Sorry. Doris?
Sketch 3: Caesar salad
Mark Antony: Friends, Romaine lettuce, countrymen, I'll have croutons with my salad!
Sketch 4: Fowl play
Action Hero 1 and Action Hero 2 stand several paces apart, looking as Action Heroesque as they can
Action Hero 1: [Points gun at a target past AH2; a prop is not really necessary.] Duck!
[Action Hero 2 hits the ground, then covers head protectively with arms.]
Duck Man: [Enters running, flapping his arms, possibly weaving about, depending on stage size, but generally crossing the stage and avoiding AH1.] Quack, quack... [Etc.]
[AH1 fires gun several times. Sound effects are in order, or s/he may cry out "Bang!". Duck Man exits, possibly finding a second to limp or otherwise appear hurt.]
AH1: [Puts gun away and looks derisively at AH2.] Chicken!
Sketch 5: Bite me
Thug 1 and Thug 2 are nose-to-nose, fists clenched or whatever, about to get into a serious brawl. Thug 2 is noticeably calmer, though.
Thug 1: I'm your worst nightmare, pal!
Thug 2: Oh, yeah? I'm a vampire.
Thug 1: Yeah? [Pausing briefly, realises he doesn't have an appropriate comeback.] Well, bite me!
Sketch 6: Gone in 1 second
Host: Gone in 1 second!
[Any number of cast members, scattered around the stage in small groups or singly, each shout out one or two words, or make some extreme gesture. They take about a second each, somewhere between simultaneous and serial. Echoes and punchlines from preceding sketches are quite appropriate (e.g. one performer shouts "croutons!", another cries some memorable word from a different selected sketch...).]
[All bow and exit]
Just a burger
Customer is perusing a menu at some sort of restaurant. This should soon become apparent, so props are not really a must. Waitress is poised to jot down an order.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Customer: [Looks up from menu.] Just a burger. Thanks.
Waitress: Regular or cheese? [She remains poised to write something down, but does not in fact appear to do so.]
Customer: Mmmm... [Glances again at menu, then back up.] I'll have the Double Onion, Double Cheese Texas Super Burger, well done but not crispy, no chillis but lots of chilli sauce, easy on the garlic, but not on a toasted bun, just regular. [Pauses, but continues before the waitress can react.] And no lettuce, plenty of onion, fresh not fried, but served under the burger, not over it -- not the fancy red kind, just plain onion. Have the cheese shredded, not cut, on top of the burger, not underneath. No mayo at all, and just a little mustard -- real mustard, none of the cheap stuff, if that's all you've got I'll have it dry. Fries on the side, thick slice, not curly or wavy or any of that frozen reconstituted pulp. No pickle.
Waitress: [Making no attempt to write any of this down, or perhaps going so far as to make a single tick mark.] And something to drink?
Customer: [Consults the menu again.] Just a Coke. Thanks.
Waitress: Regular or diet?
[Lights dim, or whatever other signal the sketch has ended.]