It dawned on me today.

People here have such a profound effect on someone. It is uncanny. It is also almost completely taken for granted.

Any time I logged into #e, he was the first person to say hello. Always. I logged in this morning, and waited for the hello. I waited a good fifteen minutes.

And then, something unexpected happened. I started to cry.

I was one of the last people to talk to him.

I am still processing it. Yesterday, I was hurt, then numb. Then had to do something, ANYTHING, to stop thinking about it. I goofed off for the most part, which may have seemed callous to those who were around, but it was my way of dealing.

Of everyone, Adam is the one I am least worried about now. He is in a better place. I am now worried for those he has left behind. I grieve for his family. I grieve for his friends.

I was never very close to him, but I always found him to be a nice enough person, and we got along well. I hope he is happy now, wherever he is. I hope his family will in time understand the big question that is always asked "WHY?" and maybe little by little heal. I hope his friends here are not pressed too much for details as they grieve.

I hope.

In light of the current events, my very last sentence above rings even more true. I hope that everyone here is ok. I hope that those who have died are at peace. I hope this situation is handled with wisdom and calm. I hope. I hope. I hope.