save the last bullet for your self-esteem (personal)
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Tue Jul 10 2018 at 2:11:23
Not good enough. Not used to them. Good at this.
Too good. Too much, too long. All the time. Too automatic. Now too natural, reflexive.
Others too hard to see. One hammer, same hammer, every situation.
Can't change, try to change. A long time. Patience. Not overnight. A slow climb.
Other tools. Learn typing. Learn chopsticks. New approaches, new interfaces.
Help. Can't ask. Never ask. Too strange, too different.
No hammer here, not useful. Can't type, can't get food.
Trying, feels weird, unnatural. Embarrassing. Weak. Push through. Ashamed. Push through. Desperate. Too desperate? Nothing else. Only way. Force it. Asking. Needing. Reaching.
Yes! Someone! Save me!
Relax, focus. Composed. Strength. Fake it. Help! Switching. Need it. Switching. No pity. Return favor.
Useful, be useful, feel useful. Add value, contribute.
Not good. Losing direction, losing point. Other problems. Wrong problems.
Doable, solvable, accomplished. Achievement. Empty. Diversion. Can't return. Lost again. Too automatic. Same hammer. Helping you. Useful again. Worthy.
Still neglected. Avoiding, escaping. Still empty. Still unresolved. Need help. Need to help. Can't ask. Be worthy, be useful. Fool me, delude me, help me. Make hammer useful. Pretend it useful.
Stay focused, on point. No distractions. Resolve problems, focus. No tangents. Don't sidestep, don't avoid. Snap back. Learn typing, learn chopsticks.
Learn. Accomplish. Experience. Future use.
Lost focus. Wrong problems, wrong goals. Return.
Not good enough. Too reflexive. Untrain, retrain, rewire. Tool transform. Bigger tool box. New perspectives, vantage points. New vistas, new interfaces. New approaches. Unstuck. Learn, push. Refocus.
Ask. Help. Ask again. Help me. Shame, weakness, helpless. Shake, shrug, let go. Return, refocus. Needs, wants, no sidetracks.
Tempting, too tempting, hooked in. Careful, stay careful, watchful. Temporary weaknesses, temporary indulgences.
Unhook. Forgive, let go, return. Recenter.
Grateful, thank you. Resist, no deflecting, no redirection.
Admit it. Open. Exposed. Scary, uncomfortable, uneasy. Hold. Stay. Save it. Strong, planted, steadfast. No closing, anxious, uncomfortable. Push through. Strength, power. Push through. Stay open. Push through. Rest. Break. Rest, relax.
Small indulgence. Feel useful, grab, take, replenish, return. Recenter. No shame. Banish, forget, push beyond.
New tools. New toolbox. Adding, learning. Accept help, accept weakness, accept shame. Move beyond. Heal. Learn more. New interface. Bigger. New reactions, new modes. Regrow, reintegrate, reformat. Better. Improve.
Smaller hammer. Add more. Bigger collection. New skills. New interactions, better interactions.
Redefine. Reborn. Re-emerge. Escape, return, reconquer. No fear, go forward.
Remember. Appreciate. Marvel.
I like it!
Blue Öyster Cult
January 13, 2005
spit the bit
Silence is more wounding than any word
Ways that I like to think of Jesus
How high tech app helps people engage with birds
I have another heaping helping of geeky metal songs for you
I think, therefore χ.
Storm a castle, save a princess
all you have to do is think and they'll grow
Help wanted. No previous experience necessary. Martyrdom not required but highly suggested.
Also, I don't think it's weird that we all love one another so much.
What are you doing? Why aren't you busy trying to save the world?
bureaucracy saves lives!
She saved me from Hylas' fate
painting yourself into a corner today is better than spending a week thinking about painting
I am someone and I wish so much I could help you
Would you take your shoes back now, i think I know what it is like to be you.
The help you need
Everything is more complicated than you think
Things you should never do with chopsticks
It's stupid enough to work
Chicken Pot Pie
Kim Il Sung
Basics of personal mythology
Path of least resistance
The day after the porn ban
It's stupid enough to work
masturbation never breaks your heart
This? A winter's night depleted sunset.
the virtue of the disconnect
The Vandal's Myth
lies the cheesemonger told me
parting is such sweet sorrow
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Let sleeping demons lie.