One other option here, which I've liked very much with the couples we know, is to come up with an entirely new name for both of you. That avoids the "clunkiness" of
hypenating, which, mixed with most
clerical workers' inability to cope with
hyphenated names has sometimes left me regretting our decision to hyphenate jointly. We discussed coining a new name, but could never find one that didn't make us giggle.
I understand there may be guys who seem pretty adamant on this, but there are also those who are just as offended at the whole patrilineal convention too. Maybe I'm Pollyanna, but I suspect there are many who feel this way and just don't advertise it.
Not to say they are necessarily the majority, but I feel that we sometimes assume a little more than is warranted, and may be feeding guys an answer when we approach this "tradition" by saying something that assumes his answer is "No, I wouldn't change my name." Depending on how it's approached, perhaps he wouldn't mind changing his name at all, but hears in the question some sort of "test?"
Just a thought.
That said, you know your guy(s) better than I do, and I have to trust that they are being entirely honest in their feelings when they tell you them, even if I've known men frequently to express ideas and feelings they thought someone wanted to hear, especially when it has some connection to potentially touchy subjects.