Talked to M. tonight. I found out that I had apparently made a terrible mistake when I broke up with him back in May. I talked all around it, and thought that my words were clear and terrible enough, what more did I have to say? but apparently not. I never said "I'm not in love with you anymore" to him.
The truth is, it never occurred to me that this was, indeed, the case. I love him, have loved him for years, and never thought to say those words. I don't think of the way I feel/don't feel about him in those terms, so it just didn't come up. I thought saying," I need to be free, I need to be alone, I want to date women, I'm not happy with points a, b, and c about you and they are important to me" would be enough to give him that message.
But obviously not. I just don't think he wanted to hear it. I told him in so many different ways it was over. it took months to break up with him. I broke up with him five or six times. He finally got it tonight.