back | days |
Pining until it physically hurts
I have been up for way too long, my rational side tells me. Well, my rational side can go take a jump off a cliff. I try to distract myself from thoughts of her by reading boring American politics articles in Salon. Why am I trying to think of other things? Maybe this is my "rational" (i.e. scared) side telling me to go to sleep, leave things alone? No, these feelings are too intense, too real and tangible to ignore or set aside. Each time someone joins #everything, my heart leaps, then shatters again as I realise it isn't her.
Funny that I am viewing this as some kind of battle between rationality and emotion; am I that afraid of my deeply buried emotions? Yes, dizzy robotic unit #493394, these are emotions: look at the stuffed tux and feel happiness because Mark bought it for your birthday. Look at the letter from her, read it and smell it - feel the love, trust and confidence it inspires in you.
Those are emotions, they are real and I am real. There's no swelling music or innovative direction; this is real life.
She got back. We talked. I love her. :-) The rest? More detail? Mind your own business! :-)
More food packages from my Mother, and she is cooking dinner for me yet again. I am going to sorely miss all this help and attention when I go back to work next week :-(