If nothing else, I can still fight to keep myself from being committed.

My regular appointment with Kelly, my social worker, brought lots of worries from her end from my recent suicidal tendencies, which have been stronger and stronger lately. So she suggested we go to "the deck" - the Diagnostic Emergency center.

Four hours there. Waiting, crying, second-guessing myself. (You're too chicken, you'd never go through with it anyways. Why are you here?) Once I was finally 'evaluated', the three doctors who knew nothing about me decided I should "play it safe" and "stay with them until I was feeling better". I said no.

Long story short, I'm here and not there. I don't know if it was a good decision on my part. Time will tell.