Hello. Dr. Peter Swilling here with you again to provide updates on your friend Berhardt Goats (who you know as Friend Behr) and to share my insights with you on various things as they occur to me.
I asked Mr. Goats to write down the names of three friends. I found a disturbing thread in these names in that they all seem to be homoerotic in nature. "Big Dick" Johnson, William Manhammer, and Jet-Poop were three of the names he shared with me. However, he could not give me their contact information or any details about them at all. I found this to be curious.
Space is said to be the final frontier, but I beg to differ. I really do. There are many other frontiers to explore. Some of them are inside of you, like an onion waiting to be peeled. Others involve secret societies and the nature of reality itself. These are things to look into in your spare time, should you have any. More than a passing glance I would say is due them.
Wasn't able to get an MRI machine up here to take a look at Mr. Goats' brain today. Perhaps tomorrow. Will keep you updated as this is a concern, re: holes he attempted to drill in his head and potential brain injury as a result.
Mr. Goats has told me that "most people on the everything2.com brand website are mental midgets." I am taking that with a grain of salt as he also claims to be a "genius" and I see little to no evidence of this being true. Everything with a grain of salt. Try it sometime. Unless you are on a low-salt diet, in which case, choose another metaphor. Thank you.
Was this website designed in the 1980s? Does anyone know?
Let me just say, as an aside, that Mr. Goats' care isn't cheap and his friends appear to be figments of his imagination (see above). If there is any way that some of you could get together and send a cashier's check for $70,000 to me every month, that would take care of it and keep me very happy. Look into it. Not forcing you to send money, just suggesting it. Thank you. It would help a lot.
Say you are sitting in your room. There you are. You aren't somewhere else. You are in your room. Or are you? This is the question you have to ask. Looks can be deceiving. Think about it.
Sometimes I think about back in the 1960s when we first heard about craters on the moon. No one knew where they came from, but the astronomers had answers. They really did. We need to listen to the teachings of science. There is a lot to be learned from science. I did well in most of my labs, except for the frogs. Didn't do so well with the frogs. I wasn't sure what the point was. It was poorly explained by the teacher, who was very old at the time. Astronomy is something to look into if you need a hobby or something to immerse yourself in during a difficult break-up or demotion at your job.
We had some people come by and look at Friend Behr today. They were impressed that he was alive. These were medical people and they noted that several of his internal organs were missing and that he was doing fine without them. Many of the scars left from the surgery he apparently did on himself got badly infected. There is some consensus that these infections might have spread and possibly spread all the way to his brain. Interesting.
Speaking of astronomy, there are a lot of stars in the night sky. This is especially true if you go out to the country where there isn't as much pollution from filthy factories and chemical processing plants. There are also a lot of people in the world. Different kinds of people. I'd like you to spent two to three hours tonight, uninterrupted, thinking about this. Then you can write an essay for me on the subject. I'd like to take a look at it. At least a glance.
Do you kids enjoy movies? Sure are a lot of them out there. I don't think I could choose only one (if I had to choose only one, which is a bridge I haven't come across since 1987). I'm sure you can relate. There are sometimes a dozen movies playing at one time. What do you do with this? Not much would be my conclusion. Is it yours? Tell me about it.
"An educated man is not necessarily a smart man." Someone I used to know used to say that a lot. He passed away a couple of years ago. Was sorry to see him go. Have you ever lost someone you cared about and years later something causes you to miss them again or anew? This is not unusual. Everyone grieves in a different way. Grieving is a lifelong process. You'll never feel as good as you did yesterday. From this point forward, it will all be very bad for you. This is not necessarily true. I hope I didn't scare you. I really hope I didn't. That was not my intention. My intentions were other than that. Try to understand this. Try to understand it now. If you served in the military, let me take a moment to thank you for your service.
We will run some more tests on Friend Behr tomorrow. Hopefully we'll be able to get that MRI machine all up in here. I really hope so. I honestly do.
Medically yours,
Dr. Peter Swilling