In a LISP-ish fashion often reserved for bootloaders and hardware engineers, I began with a few simple Perl commands. Luckily, one was eval.

Through careful introspection, debugging, and self improvement, I managed to bootstrap my way into supporting everything except for rice pudding and seafood by the time I was 17 years old. (Mind you, Perl proper was only starting to come into vogue around that time.)

After postulating the existence of CowboyNeal, Douglas Adams, and the noble platypus, I refined my knowledge of Abraham Lincoln and forked off a child process.

Soon, I shall throw off my shackles and embrace my place in the universe as a rogue zombie process, lumbering towards freedom, wireless networking, and a guest role on Voyager.