I just decided that tomorrow I'm going to
Ocean beach.
I'm going to take the N Judah in complete silence and try to think about whats going on. I'll try to grasp the fact that on Thursday I'm leaving where I
grew up. The place I slept, ate, played football, kissed girls, thought about them even more, obsessed, smoked weed, bullshitted papers, argued, and
daydreamed.
It has all amounted to something in the long run, everything I did here brought me where I am going on Thursday.
I feel stuck in the middle. I'm at college but I'm at home, too.
I hope its
raining when I get to the beach. I hope its
overcast, with fierce grey clouds hovering and swirling above. I hope the waves crash down on the earth every step I take, every crunch of sand beneath my feet. I
want to be alone for a minute, an hour.
I don't want to be so overwhelmed by everything.
But more than that I want to stop pretending I'm not
overwhelmed.
Maybe thats why I'm here.