Ah, Fathers Day…
I’m not gonna go on about “what it means to be a father” or anything like that. Anyone who is one or plays that role already knows that and enough words have been said and sentiments expressed that the topic is pretty much exhausted…
Everybody already knows (or should know) the impact that fathers have on their kid’s lives but I’m gonna try and look at from another perspective. Although it might seem a bit self serving, being a father has made me a better person. That being said…
When I look back in time I see a different me. A me that consisted of brash opinions about everything and anything under the sun, a me that thought of only of only me. I think of a me whose sense of right and wrong could best be explained as me being always “right” and anybody who didn’t agree with me as always being “wrong”. I see a me who dismissed anything that didn’t suit my needs or my lifestyle.
I look back and I see a me whose world couldn’t even comprehend the meaning and value of patience. I see a me who was so self centered that he didn’t care who he hurt or who he offended. I see me who dove at life headfirst rather than wade through it. I see a me who would rather pick the roses for himself rather than just smell them and leave them for others to enjoy. I see a me whose first inclination was to disregard things rather than accept them. I see a me who thought he had friends when, in fact, he was pretty lonely.
These days, I don’t see much of the old me and when I do, I can usually recognize it. I hope what I see is kinder and gentler version of the me I once was. I hope I see a me that places others ahead of himself, that pauses to think rather than react. A me who has a sense of himself, who provides comfort rather than requiring it.
I don’t know if being a father is the sole reason for the change I went (and hopefully, am still going) through. There are probably other factors in the equation that contributed to my renewed outlook on life but I think fatherhood is the main one. It’s often said that there are many things that go into making up “a man” and they’re probably different for all of us. I won’t even try and presume to start listing them, it would be pointless. All I can say is I think I’m doing the most important work of my life, not because I have to, because I do, but because I want to. I think, because I want to, the job comes easier and I enjoy it more.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that instead of my kid thanking me for being her father, I want to thank her for being my kid. Maybe someday she’ll read this, maybe someday, when I’m gone, it will bring a tear to her eye and she’ll remember, and, as she remembers, it will make her smile.
Maybe that’s the real gift.