UPS - wirenews 23/06/2000

Independent sources confirm that the so called "Everything Gland" is in reality a spare pineal gland. Dr. Mbogo, head of the Popocateptl Chingaderas en General Research Labs declared: "I don't know why it took everyone so long. I mean the very word icky should have been clue enough".
Apparently researchers were misled by the fact that the "Everything gland" is actually inside the pineal gland: when the Everything gland kicks in, reaching its operational stable size (described as "average = grapefruit, standard deviation of two cherries"), the pineal gland is "shredded to tiny, chorizo-like, bits" in the words of the Lic. Garcilaso Garcia Garcia de Garcia, one of Dr. Mbogo's TAs.
"This may be a strange location for a spare gland", said Dr. Mbogo, "but it is in the ways of nature to surprise us every now and then".