I suppose this weekend can be compared to being blind-sided with a punch. I had no idea it was coming and it hurts like nothing I have ever experienced in my life.
How could a thing that is so great, and that has become so rock solid, suddenly deteriorate so fast?
Only now do I know what it truly means to be utterly miserable and depressed. Food and sleep have taken the very back of my life, replaced by sadness and anger. It is such a vicious circle. All I can think about is the problem, and how I can solve it, but the bad points always seem to blind me towards the good and I become even more depressed. It is as if I am in a hole, and for every inch that I manage to climb out, I slip back a foot at least.
Last night was the worst so far. Even more problems were thrown onto the already large pile, and it soon became too much to bear. I found myself curled up into a ball in the corner of my room, crying uncontrollably. But the more I tried to tuck myself away, the more I thought about it, and the more it hurt. Even now as I sit here, I must take long pauses to gather myself to be able to type.
How could it have come to this? More importantly, why do I seem prone to this type of pain and suffering? Even though this has happened in the past, never before now has it tortured me so much. I do not know what the next week will bring. The only thing I can be certain of is that the days, and even more so, nights will be long and agonizing.
I am sorry if my emotions bore you or I seem petty, but I needed to vent so very bad, and get down in writing how I am feeling. Writing seems to calm me down.