In Middle School, lots of kids go through strange changes. I'm not talking simply about the physical changes, but more of the mental ones. They learn things, think in larger senses.

I had my close circle of geek friends. But few others. I knew about people getting teased, and I knew how it felt getting teased.

I did not like getting teased.

It always made me feel stupid and I would suddenly lose all ability to do anything, but stare at my feet.

So I developed a theory. People who teased people, liked doing so because they would get a reaction. I decided that I would refuse to give this reaction.

Slowly through 6th grade, I closed off my emotions. No emotions means no reaction. I adopted an emotionless face for when I wasn't with or talking to anybody I cared. I walked down the halls, sort of grim looking.

I could still laugh, and be happy, but I closed off a lot of emotions.

I only began to realize what I had done to myself in high school, around 10th or 11th grade. I realized that I didn't like this emotionless part of me. I didn't know when I was sad, I didn't know if I was crying or if my eyes were simply watering. I didn't know how to react emotionally to lots of stimuli. I had also closed off one important emotion that I didn't care to see that often: Anger. Which I still consider as a benefit. But it also had its little outbreaks.. but I didn't show it.

I tried to destroy these emotional barriers that I had created. But it's hard. I'm still trying. I have a girlfriend now, and she at least helps me express love better.

But I can still be too solemn in person, and I react better to other people's emotions than my own, because mine don't generate enough force most of the time.

And I think back, to the flawed evolution..

Kids can be stupid.