On the value of one's word
Yesterday I got up really late, which is probably the worst way of beginning a workweek
Never mind the empty work I did today. After hours of feeling bad about this choice and sending out what seemes like a thousand email replies, I fired up Twitter just to amuse myself for a while. Then comes this girl, a friend of mine who I used to have a crush on. She tweets one of those cheesy teen-romance images (loose translation):
Whoever thinks of me shall text me.
Whoever misses me shall look for me.
Whoever loves me shall show it.
Me, not being in the mood for half-baked feelings immediately tweeted back: I get the idea. My question is: do you actually do this or just expect someone else to do it?. Not ten seconds later, she replies: "I just did, and it was the biggest mistake I've done"
Turns out, she wrote her ex (the father of her son) saying that she misses him, 5 weeks after she left her house. My reaction was a 50/50 mixture of a facepalm and I hate to say I told you so...
A bit of background on her, stop me if you've heard this one: they've been an on-and-off couple for the past 4 years, because he has cheated on her. She got pregnant/he got her pregnant. The baby was born, he swore to be a good father and stop all shenanigans. Two months ago, she called me to tell me that she was tired of him and his insecurities and his cheating (big surprise: living together didn't actually change him for good; love wasn't the cure to everything).
I'm not proud to say that I've witnessed this exact same story a few times in my life and I'm only 25. I said the same thing I said last time: It's very easy to say now that you're going away and will go back to your parents and will never think of him anymore, but I'll see you in a month or two missing him and on the verge of talking to him again and maybe going out to the movies "one last time". She assured me that wouldn't be the case and that she was strong and living with her parents would be a buffer of sorts. She told me that she had learned the lesson of how love is not a magic that "corrects" people and she was not "his savior". I said nothing.
Back to the present. After the obligatory and very painful "I told you so" I had to tell her: see how easy it is to say things and not follow them?. I obviously hit a nerve, because she started tweeting indirects about how "he" had called her to be all bark and no bite at all. I wasn't in the mood to get indirect bullshit from anyone and immediately asked her for an apology, which I got after a bit of guilt-tripping her (I'm here to help you and this is what I get in return...)
The problem was, I still felt bad, but I couldn't put my finger on why. Only after a long walk I realized it was more about her not honoring her word. On one hand, she promised herself that she would be strong and wouldn't fall for him again. On the other hand, she decided to vent publicly things that should be said privately.
I'm not saying that I'm any better than anyone at honoring my word, but I can tell you that I try. That's part of why I almost don't make promises of any kind anymore. That's why I ask everyone to not promise me anything, because I know that most people don't value their own word anymore. Feelings are important, but they should not be the sole guide of our actions (and neither should rational thoughts, IMO).
If you promise yourself to distance from an unhealthy relationship and then go back because "you still have feelings for him/her", how do you value your own word? I don't know if I'm right or wrong and maybe I shouldn't be questioning (myself) about this. Still, it hurts.
Irrelevant update: I just leveled up! Now I'm lvl 2