money money money. yep. finally i got my allowance money. went downtown and bought a pack of cigarettes (phew) and some more nailpolish. it's very warm outside today. it was pretty nice, and i was pretty happy walking around in the city for once. don't know the exact reason actually. maybe the warm weather? maybe that my parents are home again? maybe that i got my allowance? maybe that tweak peaks is soon back on air? or maybe it was all of them. i don't know.

but now..
i'm feeling her hands on my back, holding me tight.
away from the world.
away from the evil

y e s.

i want to be with her now.
please come to me and hold me.

and we will forget our pain
and our hearts will merge again.

tomorrow i will meet her. what should i do until then?
no. thinking is bad. i have to keep my mind occupied. can't let my thoughts wander again.
they always go to the wrong places. the bad neighbourhood.
and only she can rescue them.

that's why i love her.

that's why i'm hers.

anyway. tonight she is with her friends. it's "the eve of may day" today and people usually go out and do stuff. and i'm stuck here as usual. it makes you feel pretty miserable in one way, but on the other hand, if i'd gone out i'd probably not felt very good either. so i should probably be happy that nobody asked me out. i'm very fragile today even though the happiness and i need to feel safe. i'm longing for the night. usually i can focus more during the night and i feel that that's what i need ring now. to focus. and to be safe. it's painful though. i which that my brain could go into hibernation and that i could accept everything that's happening around me. that i don't have to analyze everything so much. i probably should do something passive today. maybe watch old episodes of the simpsons, or read a book. just something that i can focus on. today is one of those days. one of those days when thinking, isn't a very good thing..