The darkroom is where most of the magic in my life occurs.

You go inside, you turn off the lights, you turn on the chemicals and you get to work. If I had it all my way, I'd spend 10 hours a day locked away in the dark with the scent of fixer staining the insides of my nose green and the developer staining my fingernails permanently black.

I'd also never need drugs.

But we don't always get our way.

The following is what you need to set up a black and white darkroom:

You get all these things, and a spare room to put them in, and you're in business. Oh, and by the way... if anyone in New York City decides to build one of these contraptions, let me know. You just found the key to my heart.