My friend Kevin is a newlywed. His bride Esther, is 20 years younger, rather shapely, and here on a green card. She’s a Phlipina.

Now I have nothing against Kevin marrying whomever he will. First of all, it’s his life, not mine. Esther is charming and pretty, if 20 years younger than he. Nor did he marry her because he wants a subservient wifey. Most men who seek foreign brides are seeking a 'housekeeper with benefits". Not Kevin. While his parents have a patriarchal relationship, the women he likes most are the smart, independent type. And I can understand his frustration with ‘American women' even though I don’t share it. After all I wasn’t engaged to a woman who neutered my dog as an act of psychic revenge.

But now he wants to fix me up. The woman in question is petite, curvy, and young enough to be my daughter. According to Esther “She's a simple girl” which seems a philipina phrase used whenever you want to evade a question.

Not that I asked. This is all Kevin's idea. He seems to think that mail order husbandry will help us bond. He volunteered considerable advice on charming a lovely Filipino lady, including that the lady would not be interested in my ideas, politics or possessions. Flowers and flattery are key, just like in the good old days.

Now, even if my primary dating objective were a nice ass that whole description would put me out. I like talking about real things, and cannot imagine spending my life with someone when I'm supposed to dumb it down at home.

The problem is how do you marry someone you never really got to date?

Okay, you can talk on the telephone and exchange letters. And by law a couple must prove they met overseas before the green card comes through. But do you really know if she squeezes her toothpaste from the middle of the tube? Does she really know what your underwear looks like at the end of a long day of work?

I have considered such dating, not with a mail order bride, but women I have met on the net. I had a brief, and very enjoyable affair with one lady when she and I were both recovering from failed relationships. But two weekends of blow-out sex and chat do not a marriage make. Yet people often pick up stakes and move on that basis alone.

I wish Kevin well. Esther is young enough to bear him children, and I know how much he craves them. I’m sure Esther's a good woman and they have a chance. But I see marriage as far too serious to do by mail.