This is an experiment. A test. A trial. The goal? I want to see if I can cheer myself up by sheer will power. Verbalizing the process may help. Let's begin.

It's amusing, that I would try this. This in itself has already started to cheer me, brighten my mood. Already I have a devilish grin on my face, for no good reason at all. Why is this? Can one really cheer oneself by sheer will power. It's not something I read, something somebody did for me. It's just a way of thinking. It's easy, try it. But when your depressed, it can seem impossible. Why the bad mood? I don't know, but there it is. What can I do to get rid of it? I must try really hard. A bad mood can kill you; you end up thinking of all the bad things and worrying about every little detail, when that does no good. It's not productive work. It adds nothing. It affects people's reactions toward you. People don't like talking to or even looking at someone who's got a sour look on their face. So if you're socially inept as it is, a bad mood only makes it more so. Remember to smile. Open yourself to the wonder of the universe. Try typeing with your eys closed. It can be fun. It can also lead to a lkot of typos. Hmm.

Eat something. You're shaking like a leaf. Too much coffee, have to stop drinking the stuff. Makes you jumpy.

What can i do, what can i do? Think a happy thought. You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness, and your own well being. It's up to you; no one else can do it for you. So do it yourself. Take a deep breath, continue typing. Smile at a stranger. If they smile back you'll feel all the better. If they frown, smile all the larger, or laugh like a lunatic. Maybe be a lunatic.

What if there is no free will? There basically three possibilities. The first one is that there is a god, maybe God, maybe some other god, and they defined some initial conditions for the Universe, and are just letting it run. No divine intervention. Just running a simulation for the real thing. But the thing is, there's no free will, all thoughts, conscience, sentient life, all an illusion really, an excuse we make up so that we can think ourselves better than the animals. It's still all just chemicals, cause and effect, everything. We are simply the sum of our parts, but we've fooled ourselves into believing otherwise. This case required evolution, or punctured equilibria, or some sort of mechanism for improvement, but this is not at odds with the god who set the initial conditions. The god is just watching the simulation play out. So the entire Universe can be described by science, because the creator has made rules for how the Universe should operate. This is maybe not science humans could ever understand, but science none the less.

A second possibility, there is a god, or gods, and it or they participate actively in the world. It or they perform miracles, and so on, but they are themselves a product of the universe, and cannot exist outside it. The question about free will comes up again, and the existence of gods allows for things outside the realm of that which may ever be described by science. So maybe we have free will or maybe not. In this case science can never completely describe the universe; there is no grand unified theory.

Perhaps there are no gods at all. Those are a fabrication of humanity, created to give some guiding rules, something bigger than themselves, something to believe in. Or maybe a way for the stronger, more ingenious people in a society to control others. Cause and effect could again reign, or something higher than science could be at the root of sentience. It could go either way, a universe completely described by math, or a universe only partially describable by math.

Hmmm, I think I took a little tangent. This will be a daylog for a while, and maybe when I feel like cleaning up the logical fallacies and straightening the arguments, I'll put this little tangent in a node of its own. The above has far reaching consequences, especially in the area or human relations, particularially in love. It raises the question about whether love is something more than chemical and hormonal responses. I would prefer to be a romantic and say there is something more, some deep and timeless connection, but the more I think about the nature of the universe, the more I think everything is just cause and effect. This does not negate the illusion of free will, we still control parts of our lives, but cause and effect dictates a destiny of sorts. What I mean I guess is that saying that because the Universe is cause and effect, I don't have free will and therefore I an not responsible for my actions is wrong. That's an excuse, and not a very good one. The illusion of free will allows us to make decisions and control our own destinies as far as we are concerned.

Oh yeah, this touches death heavily too. If the universe is cause and effect, then when you die, you're dead, just dead. Not in heaven, not in hell, just dead. Plain old dead. Dead like a door nail. This does not allow one to behave badly just because there is no eternal punishment. That comes in how you affect those around you. How you are remembered is your risk or reward.

This is getting a little heavy. It's time for lunch. I'll straighten this all out later.