I'm putting this here until I find out the proper way to submit it.
I'm not happy with the mandala that I just made. I'm not happy about much lately. Fire and Ice are colliding on my head and smoke is everywhere. I can't even see my hands. At first I tried to just walk in a straight line but the smoke was too thick and all I might find is a wall in that direction. So I'm sitting on the floor, weeping because the smoke has blocked my path once again and I've lost too much and now I can't get back up. I'm laying on the floor bawling because the smoke is getting thicker and I can't find my way out. I've lost my way now, I can't even see where I came from. Can't return to where I was, and all the doors have locked and the walls are closing in. I'm trapped, and no one understands. Two days in a row now. Two days in a row I've layed here bawling about what I wish I could have done and what I don't have, like a little child who can't have his way. Two days in a row I have layed here bawling instead of going to school and now I feel guilty for the grades I could have, would have, should have gotten. But that's nonsense, and no one understands. I'm laying here bawling in the dark and throwing a tantrum and it would have been nice if I had more friends who could look out for me and help guide me through the smoke. But that's not their fault. I locked the doors myself. I wish someone would rescue me, but I know I must rescue myself. I'm taking these pills now. Maybe they will help, but I don't want to sit in the darkness for a month, while I wait to find out. I'm in the cold water now, sinking. I want to swim out but the water is so very cold. My body has stopped responding to my commands. Maybe these pills will kick in along the way and I'll start rising back to the surface. I hope I don't drown in the meantime.