I have a new job as a counselor at the Hollow Mountain Winter Camp For Boys. It is like summer camp but with the twist of it happening during the winter. This allows us to raise more capital in lean times for the camping industry. And we are an industry. We don't do much with coal but we are a legitimate industry.
One of the things we don't tell anyone about the camp is that because it is a summer camp we are using in the winter to raise capital for legitimate civil ventures, none of the cabins have heat. We have rigged heat for the cabin that the counselors will sleep in but there will be no heat in the cabins where the kids sleep. Some of them will probably die. It is possible that all of them will. That would cut into our profit margin, but we have cut a bit of a side deal that might insure our investment in a winter camp in the northern mountains with unheated cabins and only one thin blanket per camper and no queer sleepwear allowed. The side deal involves a conservative think tank that wants some video evidence that global warming is not real. If these kids die, we'll be able to use their deaths as evidence that global warming is a farce. The globe is too warm? These kids didn't think so.
I actually hope they won't die. That could weigh heavily on my conscience, especially as I get older and start looking back on my life. There will always be mistakes I'll remember, but mostly I'll focus on how often I've gotten laid by extremely hot men and how gorgeous my thighs were. You can eat popcorn off my thighs and never regret it. I am serious.
I want the camp to be successful and hopefully this won't be a brutal winter. I hope to have unexpected sex with a handsome stranger in a rest stop baby changing station during my trip to Hollow Mountain Winter Camp For Boys.