Eight April Fools jokes on myself (in no particular order)

1) NPR is going to hire me for that editorial assistant job.

2) George W. Bush has decided to listen to the protesters in America and abroad and will withdraw the troops from Iraq.

3) George W. Bush admits that he did steal the 2000 election from Al Gore, and politely steps down as president, taking his entire administration with him.

4) My dad is back from the dead.

5) The bands Braid, Tsunami, Slint, Gang of Four, My Bloody Valentine, the Pixies and Nirvana are all back together. Any dead members only faked their demises.

6) George R.R. Martin has finally finished the next volume of A Song of Ice and Fire.

7) House majority leader Tom DeLay was hit by a bus, an era of fascism in American government is over.

8) Osama bin Laden disavows his past ways, turns himself and his cronies over to U.S. authorities. America is now safe.

Now, if only I could convince myself that all of these things are true (just as good April Fools jokes should), maybe I’ll actually have a good day for a change.