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So I seem to have found myself in a somewhat degenerate situation. Among other things, I'm behind in all my classes, mostly because like an idiot I didn't register or go to most of them at all the first two weeks of school...guess I've been in major denial about the whole school thing.

But also, I have no idea how to meet people. I mean new people. I'm talking about people with relationship potential, of course. I talked to my mom today, and she was asking about that. She acted all surprised that I wasn't seeing anyone. Kept saying how I used to have girls falling all over me. Now, I haven't gone out with someone since October of last year, so from my point of view that is clearly not the case. But before that, I'd generally been going out with someone all the time.

Our story so far:
Starting in maybe 10th grade with Kim, Jackie after 12th, 'till halfway thru Freshman year (remember the year off before college) then various flings/one nights/orgies etc. (you know how freshmen are) till I started seeing Maeli over the summer. Went out with Maeli almost till the end of Sophomore year, saw Sharon for a short while, but broke that off at the beginning of the summer. Near the end of the summer, I started seeing Cecily while I was in Austin, that lasted till the aforementioned October.

Now, not one of these people did I go out of my way to meet. Kim and I were set up at summer camp -- as predicted we were perfect for each other, at least until I met Jackie. Jackie wrote her phone number on my hand on yearbook-signing day. Freshman year, Elena and Lydia I definitely worked on, but ended up in drunken trysts that led to nothing but more drunken trysts. However, they both lived on my floor so meeting them was automatic. I threw myself on Rudy at a cast party completely drunk off my ass. Maeli, a friend of high school friends, asked through my friend Mike if I'd want to go out with her. Sharon hung out in my room because of my roommate Cyrus. Cecily I suppose I went after a little, but we met at an organized event (karaoke of all things).

So now I'm a senior. I know all my friends' friends, everyone I know is already going out, it's really a bleak local scene.

I've been to some frat parties and other house parties, and they're ok, but again the number of potentials is very low. Moreover, I feel out of place at those sorts of events, because I don't know anybody there, have no idea what common ground exists. Oh yeah, and I can't really dance, either...at least not the sort that goes on at those parties.

So what am I? Socially anxious? Or just inept? What manual was I not issued?

So here is what I fear. Going to work at a place like Microsoft where I won't even have female co-workers. Trilogy at least organized many highly social gatherings. I just can't imagine cruising nightclubs or whatever aimless shooting blindly ugh. What I need is an algorithm. ;-)

*heavy sigh*

Being in a relationship always gave me something of a reason to do things. Lack of motivation is my defining character trait. I think I've said that before, but it bears repeating. Just witness the state I've found myself in.