"Sword fighting is a little like making love. It's not always what you do, but what you say." In the game The Secret of Monkey Island sword fighting isn't a match of strength, but a match of wit. When insulted, you must come back with a witty retort, else you will surely be met with defeat. Here are some common insults and their coresponding replies used on Melee Island.

You fight like a dairy farmer.
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I´ve got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?

Soon you´ll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!
First you better stop waiving it like a feather-duster.

My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
So you got that job as janitor, after all.

People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.
He must have taught you everything you know.

You make me want to puke.
You make me think somebody already did.

Nobody´s ever drawn blood from me and no body ever will.
You run THAT fast?

I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
I hope now you´ve learned to stop picking your nose.

Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Why, did you want to borrow one?

I´ve heard you were a contemptible sneak.
Too bad no one´s ever heard of YOU at all.

You´re no match for my brains, you poor fool.
I´d be in real trouble if you ever used them.

You have the manners of a begger.
I wanted to make sure you´d feel comfortable with me.

I´m not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?

There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Yes there are. You just never learned them.

I´ve spoken with apes more polite then you.
I´m glad to hear you attended your family reunion.