I'd never heard of this until a cardboard box labelled "Interactive Life Forms, Inc." landed on my doorstep, courtesy of FedEx. I've no idea who sent it or why, though I'm assuming it to be a belated birthday or early Christmas present as some kind of joke.

Apparently the thing is supposed to simulate a vagina or other squishy place, but my first reaction upon opening the packaging was to declare the thing a "giant, deformed penis," as it looked like a penis with a shrivelled shaft and an enormously enlarged head. Checking the website, I see that you can shape them as a mouth, anus ("Go where you've never gone before," declares the website), vagina, or in the case of the one I received, a "non-descript" slot for the more timid sex toy owner.

Finding out that the functional part -- the "flesh" of the Fleshlight -- was made out of a product called "SuperSkin" finished the logical leap, and the "giant, deformed penis" became the "SuperPenis" as I wielded it like a club and threatened to beat my roommates with impunity. "Don't make me get out the SuperPenis" became the standard threat of the next few days.

In closing? Firstly, no, I haven't used the thing, though I'm sure it's a very passable sex toy. You remember when your mother used to tell you not to put things in your mouth if you didn't know where they'd been? I'm guessing some kind of logical continuation applies here: don't stick your penis into things if you don't know where they came from. Not knowing who sent me the Fleshlight frightens me somewhat. And second, I regret that my "mysterious benefactor" didn't send me the vagina-shaped one. How cool would it be to have a "womb flail"?

Under 300 words? Yes. BrevityQuest07