Target Audience: Males, Ages 18-25

(Open on shot of Australian actor Paul Hogan standing knee-deep in ocean)

Paul Hogan: "G'Day. Here in Australia, things can get pretty hot, and you need a deodorant that works hard for you and smells like bloody salmon. That's why I use Spawn Stick, the only--"

(Shark leaps out of water, swallows Paul Hogan)

Target Audience: Women, Ages 18-25

(Open on attractive man and woman dancing in exclusive club)

Man: "My dear, do I"

Woman: "Yes, silly, that's new Sure Smells Like Bass deodorant, the only deodorant endorsed by Oprah Winfrey!"

(Man looks vaguely disappointed)

Target Audience: Male Teens

(Open on shot of snowboarders racing down snowy mountainside; one boarder approaches the camera)

Snowboarder: "When you gotta take your sport to the EXTREME, you can't afford to be slowed down by a deodorant that doesn't go to the EXTREME, too! That's why I use FISH-X--the only deodorant that tames body odor with the extreme smell of fish!"

(Female snowboarder walks by, leers at male snowboarder)

Female snowboarder: "Hey, love that FISH-X!"

Target Audience: Female Teens

(Open on shot of mother and daughter walking along sunlit meadow)

Daughter: "Mom, do you ever have times when you feel...a little too fresh?"

Mom: "Sure, dear. We all do. That's why I use Summer's Trout, the deodorant that smells like a big dead fish."

Daughter: "Thanks, Mom. I love you."

Target Audience: Children

(Open on shot of Pikachu)

Pikachu: "Pika Pika!"

(Pikachu takes out can of Pokemon Fish Deodorant and rubs on armpits)

Pikachu: "CHU!"

Target Audience: Everythingians

(Open on shot of dem bones sitting at computer)

dem bones: "You know, after a long hard day of noding, you really appreciate the power of Big Linux Tuna deodorant, the only fish-scented deodorant that knows to mention Linux in its name!"

(Enter jessicapierce, dressed as a can of Big Linux Tuna deodorant)

jessicapierce (singing): "Big Linux Tunagooglies, the only one for you-nagooglies!"

(Enter juliet and knifegirl, attacking jessicapierce with aluminum baseball bats)

juliet and knifegirl: "Get away from him, you man-stealer!"

(juliet, knifegirl, and jessicapierce roll on floor. dem bones leans back in his chair and smiles)

dem bones: "Awww, yeah."