A recipe so called because I fed some of it to my colleague Keith, who was working late following a double police station representation earlier in the day, and the next day he said it caused him to wake up screaming, thus giving it its name. Yes. This particular chilli dish gives criminal lawyers in East London nightmares.

I, on the other hand, being in civil lit, am immune. Woo.


  • 1 x Large Onion
  • 1 x Bell pepper (any colour)
  • 12 x Scotch Bonnet
  • 2 x Chicken Breasts
  • 1 x Chorizo Ring
  • 1 x Canned Diced Tomatoes
  • 1 x Can of Kidney Beans
  • 4 tsp Paprika
  • 4 tsp Cayenne chilli powder
  • 4 tsp Dave's Insanity Sauce
  • ½ cup water
  • As much rice as you feel you can keep down
  • Refrigerated bog-roll (if you're a wuss)


1. Flay the onion alive and hang, draw, and quarter it repeatedly. Dismember the peppers, tearing out their hearts in the process, guillotine the Scotch Bonnets and decapitate the cans of beans and tomatoes. Then, eviscerate the chicken and slice the sausage. Threaten to stab questionable housemates who attempt to steal said sausage.

2. Brando the oil round your pan and get it nice and hot. The type of oil you use doesn't matter whatsoever. A top culinary tip is that if I have company round, I keep an empty bottle of super-pricey extra-extra-ultra-virgin olive oil and put cheapo mazola (which another colleague of mine delightfully refers to as "slutgrease" because it's the opposite of extra virgin olive oil) in it. Most folks can't tell the difference at long range anyhow. Anyhow. You know the oil's hot enough when you can drop a bit of the onion's remains in it and it sizzles.

3. Throw in the onion then insert the chicken and fry until sealed. Then throw in the peppers, sausage, tomato, beans, and the Scotch Bonnet. The best thing I find is to put the tomato in first then the Scotch Bonnet so the capsaicin percolates through nicely. Add the paprika, Cayenne powder, and Dave's Insanity Sauce last. Throw in water at this point so it's not too dry.

4. Bring to the boil then allow to simmer for about 20 minutes. Stir frequently.

Serves four.

Best served with rice, obviously, and beer. If you want to bring out the beast in your dinner guests, wait about two and a half hours after dinner then tell them that you've only got three squares of loo paper left in the house and watch them fight each other for it. Fun!

For the record, this stuff is REALLY. REALLY. HOT. It will usually be okay for a few seconds, then WHAM, it feels like molten steel's running down your throat. I love the stuff and cannot get enough. It also gets you fiery and riled up enough for a good mosh later that evening as well. It doesn't give me nightmares but then nothing does really. However, the first time I tried it my stomach felt quite funky, and I thought I was about to be the inspiration for Carcass's song "Malignant Defecation." Since then, I can put it away like anything. You, however, may need more time to get used to it.