Well, I wasn't gonna tell the true story cause I didn't want to harsh on
everybody's mellow, but my conscience has been torturing me and when the police
finally catch up with dem bones, I want to be able to say 'See?
I told ya so.'
I knocked myself out to show him a good time and he wasn't even
appreciative! I mean I put out a lot of effort to set up this visit for
him and the ingrate never even said thank you. Well, he sort of did, but
more on that later. The low point was when I overheard my daughter
discussing their upcoming visit with a friend, "Sorry I can't come to the
party, a bunch of weirdoes from my Dad's cult are coming to
Back when he offered me my E2 Admin badge, I thought he was just kidding with
that lame line, "Someday I will come to you with a
request..." Turns out he totally meant it. The cheapskate
lives off these cheezy little E2 perks and now he was jonesing for a free
vacation. I put my foot down when he asked for my Frequent Flier account
He's kind of embarrassing to hang out with too. I mean he can't make casual
conversation, gets drunk on one beer and has zero interest in anything except
this silly website that his scriptkiddy friends invented and gave to him to play
with. His wardrobe is so 90's, like grunge is way over and it's not the
height of fashion to own everything ever sold with an E2 logo on it. He's
even got an E2 tongue stud! Picture a hyperactive bulletheaded gnome in a NinjaGirl
French Tee. Pathetic.
He can't sit still for five seconds and always has to be the center of the
conversation... He's got this sneaky way of steering any topic into a discussion
of E2 and how he's the Chief Gawd and all that. Pathetic. I had
this party for him on Saturday, just so that he could get a taste for how
grownups interact with each other. It was a total disaster. My friends are
real people with real lives and it was so sad to hear him try to convince them
how cool E2 is. They just sort of laughed, like "Yeah sure, I'll
hafta check it out someday..."
Then he got stumbling drunk on one margarita and started ranting about how
Globalization was destroying the world. My friends and I are committed
liberal Democrats, but I could tell they were offended by this wacko. He went off on this rant about how John
Kerry needed to get out of his conservative rut and start supporting The
People! I mean don't they have newpapers on Planet E2?
Worst of all, I learned way more about the E2 backstory than I wanted to
know. For example, there's only about a dozen live users on E2, all the
rest of the accounts are just that psycho bones talking to himself. He's
a very fast typist, I've gotta give em that. Oh yeah about the money
thing. He was telling the truth about the luxury house they own and all
that. Of course they live opulently, I mean where do you think all that
Donation Box money goes? Sometimes he crashes E2 just to build up the
pressure on us all. He's also got a SlowMo program that he runs just to
make us all squirm at the lag. He was bragging about all this stuff!
He instigates all these fights on E2 just for his personal amusement using
the editorial staff as cannon fodder. Totally reprehensible. And
I'm not even sure if Papa Bear is a *real* doctor or just Bone's "personal
anesthesiologist," if you know what I mean. The guy is really
demented and it's hard to believe he's not tweaking on something. All
in all, it would be so much better if he'd just turn things over to Halspal
and set E2 free of this weary Bones worship thing.
Sally's a real hottie with a great personality and she seems very
smart. At first I thought she was with him just because of all that E2
money, but then I found out that they'd been going together since third grade or
something. She's one of those nice girls who mate for life and she had the
bad luck to imprint on this total loser. I was going to invite them down
to Puerto Rico, but now I'm thinking 'no way.'
Maybe I'll ask Sally if she wants to come alone.
After making me a personal promise to be out of town at the crack of dawn, he
was still in his jammies when I arrived to start hosing down the
cottage at noon. I'll tell you this, he's a harrowing sight when he first
wakes up! Really scary. I just sort of backed up slowly towards the door
then fled. I called the neighbors later to make sure the coast was clear,
then came back to survey the damages. The place looked like it had been
colonized by a prepubescent heavy metal band and their hundred closest friends.
Candy wrappers, popcorn, pizza boxes, malt liquor bottles, cigarette butts, AAA
batteries and used condoms. Ack!
After a quick look around I decided to just have a crew come and gut the
place. Anyway, when I was walking around the rubble, I saw this note
scrawled on a paper towel and thought, cool, a thank you note, finally some
normalcy. But no, when I opened it up, all it had was this: "C!."
The arrogant runt had the temerity to Ching the vacation! On reflection, maybe
it is a compliment after all. I mean in the labyrinthine corridors of the Boney Brain, XP and Chings ARE real.
So, that's the whole sordid story. I'm glad to get it off my chest and
hope it serves as a cautionary tale to the rest of you. If you see dem
bones number pop up in your caller-ID, DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE. If he /msgs
you, CHANGE TO A NEW ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY. And if you get a letter
from him, CALL YOUR LAWYER.
Oh yeah, and I did lie about one thing: his voice is all squeaky and thin...
PS. If you see Sally, tell her I said "Hi!"
PPS, I put a copy of that stupid thank you note on my homenode so you can tell
who's *really* telling the truth!