What kind of gift wrapping paper should I get?

Every Christmas my family has used (or used to use) plain matte wrapping paper, usually with a conservative motif, like jingle bells, Santas, holly leaves.

But then as money got tight, we started... being creative. And much more low end. We got mom a phone card for Christmas... and put it in box after box that had been used for my dad's business hardware. And then there was my uncle's gift... a tool wrapped in Canadian Tire newspaper ads. Cheap. Cheaper. CHEAPEST.

This year I was assigned the task of buying the majority of the Christmas presents. Yes, I went nuts. Mad with financial power. I am putting my family into massive Christmas inspired financial ruin. I went mad. CDN$5.18 mad to be exact. I bought... the shiny wrapping paper. With chintsy bows.

The kind good Protestants (or so I've gathered from past Christmases) just don't get. Still the same conservative bells and leaves, just shiny. $2 for paper. $2 for bows. $0.50 for labels. Tax. I'm going to hell.

The gifts are wrapped on time for once. Okay, I've still got two to go and I'm wasting time at 6 am on E2 - but the grandkids' presents are wrapped. Queen Elizabeth can't light a match to the way this year's presents look. They're not exactly $50 department store toys. But they look like they were wrapped at Holt Renfrew. With calligraphy that I am sure will aggravate my typing hands.

I wonder, wonder what that $5.18 could have been used for that I am missing so desperately. Perhaps I will be living in a cardboard box next Christmas. But dammit, this Christmas will not be hobo inspired.

Strike me down, Oh Hobo Santa!