Trust; I don't understand
An Itsy, Bitsy Spider,
waiting for it's doom,
natural, for all that, still no less cruel.
Why, oh why, you spider,
do you wait there in the spout,
even though you know
the rain will wash you out?
Oh spider, you must know
every time you start to go
the children anticipate with glee
the doom you do not seem to see.
So why do I still hope, just to see my trust be broken?
Am I a fatalist, or am I just human?
If hope is a thing with feathers,
it flies, yet it escapes,
but trust is just a rocket,
fighting gravity's embrace.
It seems so free, so powerful,
in it's flight to space,
but we know it's vulnerable;
because of what makes it real,
we see the perils of the venture.
Why it's worthwhile we cannot mention,
but we know, when we go,
it was worth it, just to know.
You could _not_ trust, to be honest,
but then how do you live?
Is it worth more,
if one day it will not be there?
Is it valuable,
if you know it will fail?
Why even care,
you can refuse to get involved.
Why live life,
you can retreat into yourself.
Do you want to know,
or just live in the ephemeral moment?
Do you want to wait,
or know you've already been betrayed?
And if I had answers that made sense to me,
would I ask?
If everyone understands, it's so simple
but I don't, should I even try?
If no-one understands, it's impossible,
then I won't, why should I try?
Last year (2003) I though a trust that I gave someone was betrayed. I am now confident that I was misled into this assumption by an assumption I made, and malicious action on the part of several individuals and organizations. I'm not sure if everyone really goes through this breaking of a trust, not in a romantic sense, but in a assumption shattering, re-defining way. The term mindfuck is used to describe when this happens as a result of a movie or book, but I'm not sure what to call it when it's just your life that causes you to re-evaluate everything you though you understood about the world. In a sense, I lost my innocence with this re-evaluation, but more than that, I became an adult.
Sorry for all this GTKY stuff, but it's a question of where I was when mentally I wrote the poems.
Feedback appreciated more than upvotes, and either is better than being ignored. (I don't really like downvotes, either.)