Yesterday, Jules sent me a message about the two of us having a talk.
Honestly, I knew what it was about, as I was avoiding meeting with him for a week, or so.
Well, it's not that I was trying to resuscitate something already lost from the very begining, but I'm such a coward when it comes to hurting other people.
Because I know much too well how it feels to be hurt by someone you care about.
I picked the phone and called him to meet me to talk face to face, for I detest having this kind of discussions over the phone, or by e-mails, or any other indirect way.
I'm supposed to meet him tomorrow...
Last week, as my lackadaisical state of being totally pissed My Beloved Monster, he asked me on the way home, to join him for a cup of coffee and a little chit-chat.
I said "Yes !" .
He began his speech with a question:
" When is naïveté considered a flaw?
Do you see it as a flaw, or as a virtue?
He didn't let me answer. He told me that, sometimes, in order to save drowning people from death, lifeguards have to hit them unconscious, so they can safely take them back to shore.
He told me to stop with this non-sense avoidance-act,
with all my insecurities and fears,
to kick-off all this lackadaisical state of being, in which I have webbed myself into.
There is no reason why you should feel bad about yourself;
keep your chin up, wash away insecurity from your marvelous eyes,
be proud!
act proud, dammit' ! There's no reason why you should not!
This up-above the line was written during gastroenterology class; me & two colleagues didn't feel like going to the lecture-class...
When I got home, I decided to text Jules; this is what I wrote :
Due to the fact that I slept good last night ,
I would like to tell you fair and honest that
I have cleared up everything up with _insert Hisname here_ ,
and the dog has returned to its rightful owner&master...
On the other hand,
I would still like you to hang out with us,
(meanwhile I shall cut all sort of interaction with Serge and the rest of the gang)
because that would make me proud to have shown you that there are still human beings on this planet.
So guess what?! He totally agreed, and really appreciated my honesty, even though it hurt him.
With Serge is another story. It's quite long, complicated and twisted, so I should deal with it in a special day-log chapter - just for him -
Bottom line is :
When true love dwells in your heart, there is nothing you can do to make it vanish.