July 2, 2001 (thing)

oh. my. god. what a fucking day. boy said he'd try to call me today, but at last, the battery in my cell phone died horribly, leaving me stuck at werk, unreachable. if he has an ounce of sense, he'll leave a message. but i know him well enough to say he won't. i'm an idiot.

"sick sick sick sick of it all"

but moving back a bit to last night...i decided i needed to do laundry, but i only had enough change for two loads. *sigh* ok, i can live without washing all my laundry. so i walked over to the laundry room at my apartments and !!HOLY SHIT!! the entire floor is crawling with roaches! after expending a massive amount of willpower not to just scream and run, i manage to chase most of the grotesque little things away, and discover to my surprise, that my initial assessment had been correct: holy shit, indeed; a large pile of *human* shit, in fact, caked on the floor by the dryers. the smell was nearly unbearable, and the roaches, well, we know how i feel about roaches. i had to wash my clothes. and so, holding my breath, and holding down the bile, i manage to successfully wash and dry my clothes without bringing home any roaches, or dropping anything in the pile of shit. some days, i hate the world.

"the sky's gone red, but darling, where are you?"

i managed to pass out cold and not make it out to see niall last night. again, i'm an idiot. i came in with my laundry, shaking and sweating, and after checking it for nasty black bugs, i sat down to catch my breath. and then the phone was ringing, and it was 04:30. i apologised profusely, and he said he'd just come see me after werk. i passed out again. i remember very little prior to 11:00. i'm sure i kicked in my sleep. i was hungry and having terrible nightmares, which i only remember in the vaguest detail, but even those flashes are enough to give me the coldsweats.

"and they rolled up the carpet and began to sing / as they danced to the sound of the telephone ring"

i am finally no longer ill. no more throwing up at random intervals. it's a good feeling. however, i'm still hallucinating, and it's starting to frighten me. i'm pretty sure it was just some bad bread that i'm still getting out of my system, but one can never be sure. at least the hallucinations are pleasant ones...old friends, butterflies, kittens...or maybe i'm just slipping gears. totally losing my shit here -- warming up for the final detonation of life and mind...but i don't like to think those things -- even if i am seeing full-colour phantoms.