I should have known better. It is true, I did dance on the lawn preaching and moralizing at a chauvinistic male eagle. How dare he sit there stoicly and let his woman do all the important work. I couldn't believe he was even too lazy and self-absorbed to come get the stupid fish that I held not fifty feet away from him. I think she should divorce him!

You see, my other job is teaching equal rights philosophy to birds of prey. Not speaking their language makes it difficult, so I'm forced to resort to exaggerated gestures and pantomimes in order to get my points across. It's a tough business, as there is not much demand for this particular position, which I find depressing. Far too many people (and birds) are either ignorant of the need for equal rights among the Aves class or simply don't care. It's just not right. The pay is lousy, too. I'm lucky if I get a fish out of the deal.

Perhaps I should just give up and go home.