Of the least bit of respect, trust and faith I have left for my boyfriend, I've gathered it all together and dumped it into a tiny saucepan to serve as redemption.

The thing is..

1) He lied to be about it. Several times. I had been suspicious about his whereabouts with his ex-girlfriend when she had come back to visit. He had only hung out with her one day; and that one day he promised me he would never do. His brother had actually called me and told me he was hanging out with his ex. Yes, I know, his brother was a bit of a gnark for that; but I was so grateful he did. We had met up later that night and he looked me straight in the eyes, "I promise I did not cheat on you, baby." I believed him..for the most part.

2) I had to find out about it from someone I didn't even know. Who didn't even know him. This girl had contacted me and told me that I should keep an eye on my boyfriend more often. We got into a heated conversation about it; turns out that she was the ex's best friend. She and my boyfriend's ex had gotten into a fight and she was telling me to get back at her. She had showed me this whole conversation that my boyfriend and his ex had on AIM. It said numerous of hurtful things such as: "She's the other girl", "You mean more to me than she ever will" "I miss having sex with you".

3) By the time I had gotten enough proof to throw in his face, he had to admit it; he was trapped. "Why did you do it?" I ask him. "It was just sex. She means nothing to me" Don't mind me, if you don't agree..but I think that just makes the situation worse. Not only did he cheat on me, but he cheated on me with someone who meant NOTHING to him.

4) I had always trusted him a lot more than he had ever trusted me. He would make up rules that I couldn't hang out with my ex's or talk to them. He would get jealous if I was talking to another guy. He made restrictions against me. But of course, I made him abide by the same rules. In which he broke.

When he admitted that he cheated on me, we had a very long talk, as you can imagine. I told him how pathetic he was and how his ex (whom he made look like the bad guy; when in reality, she was the one telling him that she didn't want him to cheat on me) was the better person than he was and I told him that I've basically lost all trust and respect for him. Then I told him that I still loved him. After every broken promise, with every hole in my heart, I took him back. See, I've always believed in second chances; that people can change. Then again, I've always believed that once a cheater is always a cheater. I realize how those two don't mesh well..and for a while during my relationship with him early on, he didn't give me a reason to believe that he would ever cheat on me, like he has done to girls in past relationships. I believe that he loves me too, and the he sincerely regrets screwing me over.

Words are just words unless they're followed by actions. Until the time I found out he cheated on me, he treated me with great love and compassion. I've never been treated so well, before. Of course, that made it all the more harsh to handle.

I had asked him.."If I had done the exact same thing to you, would you have broken up with me?" His answer was yes. I asked him, "If I had done the exact same thing to you, would you ever be able to forgive me?" He said he probably wouldn't. I asked him, "If I had done the exact same thing to you, would you still love me?" He said yes.

He couldn't possibly know how much it hurt to have the love of your life cheat on you; especially if you know they feel the same way. He couldn't possibly know whether or not I can ever trust and forgive him again. What he does know is that I love him and that I would do anything for him.

I only believe in second chances. And he knows that.