You wake up in the morning, with the feeling that there is a razor inbetween your front gums. You wiggle your jaw around a bit, wondering what that feeling is. You then try to pull your lip out without touching it to expose your gums to the morning air as if this will help. It doesn't.

So you walk to the bathroom, place your face about 2" from the mirror, pull your lower lip down with your fingers and... scream.

There is a fungal growth in your mouth! Okay, who forgot to put the lid on your mouth before sticking it in the refrigerator?

But it's not a fungal growth, it's a canker sore, and you have been honored to be one of the 3 billion people in the world that experiences their mighty wrath once a year.

So now what?

You play around with it with your tongue, thinking this will help. It won't.

You then brush your teeth rigorously hoping this will clean it to its bloody death. Little do you know, this just makes it worse.

You then gargle with water and baking soda or water and salt or whatever ludicrous method you heard about. This hurts. Almost as bad as brushing your teeth.

You decide to research it and you believe it's a cold sore and go around telling all of your friends that you have herpes. Until you find out that you don't.

You let people refuse to kiss you because they think this parastical monster is contagious. It's not. "It's only bacteria, babe."

People think you have poor hygiene skills because of this. You might, but that has very little to do with it. It's because you have SLSs (forms of soap) in your toothpaste and might even be because you're stressed out. Wig out on other people and blame it on them.

And you sit around wondering when it will be over. Oh, don't worry. Your ship will come in... in 10-15 days.. scar-free!

And what on Earth is that softlink supposed to mean in relevance to this write-up?