Ten people dead.
I tell myself that it means sixty people alive, but it doesn't seem to help.
The others are giving me space and talking in low voices, occasionally glancing over to where I sit, draped in my work clothes and borderline despair. Even in this gnawing pit of "I could have done more", I appreciate their tact; brooding is a solitary activity. I know this happens, but it never gets any easier.
I guess a bit of background is needed here.
My name is Harbinger. Or, that's what they call me, I guess. I'm not even sure what my name was, before. You see, I can more or less foresee disaster - so it was that or an equally weighty Damocles for a codename. I don't know if it's the loss of life, or a change in the cosmic balance or some crap, but I just get these strong premonitions of bad things about to happen. Bad ... that's a laugh. It could be a car accident tomorrow, or an earthquake ten years down the line. Whatever force or power gave me this ability did not bother with an instruction manual - but I guess that's life. Or death. Something. Anyway, these feelings aren't defined very well, so I'm never sure when things will happen or what form they will take - but they're inevitable. You know those times the Auxiliaries get there almost before it happens? That's me. I'm a human suffering early warning system.
It's not an easy gig, as you might imagine.
It took me years to figure out what was happening. Have you ever tried to wiggle your ears, or raise just one eyebrow, or curl your tongue (well, if you're not one of those naturals anyway)? It takes figuring out what the muscles actually do, one by one, then putting them together in ways you didn't know were possible, and ending up with your face screwed up in a very weird configuration... It was just like that, only completely different. I used to have nightmares, horrible nighttime screaming fits, over the things I could have prevented if I was only a faster learner. I'm a little better these days.
This all started about three months ago; I was doing my rounds. I usually pick an area and just walk for a few hours. We experimented with flightpacks for a while to see if I could cover more ground, but it didn't work at all. The high speed meant I couldn't focus on any particular spot, and just got vague feelings of dread from all over. Or maybe it was just air sickness and my own dread, heh. Anyway, it seems that I have to give my abilities some time to soak in the ambiance, as it were. Besides, I would have had to land to further pinpoint the event, and it's far less conspicuous if I start out on foot. Some places I go, too much attention is a very bad thing.
I chose Uptown that night, for no particular reason. I think I had a vague hankering for a noodle bowl with some of that spicy alien stuff that the slips make. As I was sauntering along, thinking of nothing in particular, my talent blindsided me. There was no warning as there is sometimes, a faint gradual build-up of dread. No, this was more like running into a brick wall. In a hotrod. I suddenly knew that something nearby was going to be the focus of much destruction and suffering. The sensation was so sudden and so strong I dropped to my knees, disoriented. I was staring straight ahead, still seeing the street but not making any sense of it. When I could focus again I stayed where I was, resting and trying not to look at anything to avoid another assault. In a few minutes I got up, ignoring the stares - you get used to them after a while - and sat down on the curbside, waiting for my talent to get used to the intensity so I could get a better fix. I felt the sense of urgency, but it wouldn't do any good to evacuate the neighbourhood only to find out I was getting potential echoes of the firefight between cops and the looters drawn to the now empty area. Temporal line noise sucks, but it's part of the job.
After a while it subsided, and I started triangulating. This mainly consists of walking around the area and getting snapshots of what my talent is telling me - a sort of 4 dimensional radar that takes into account time as well as space. It would be almost as boring as it is to tell about it, if lives weren't on the line. Walk a bit, stop, teeter about like a rabbit ear antenna being tweaked to optimal reception, repeat. I look like an old crazy when I do this, muttering to myself, shaking my head nervously ... let's just say people give me a wide berth. Explaining to each and every one would just take too much effort and time away from my task. As for authorities, the transponder I carry sends a quiet signal of notification if they get within a few hundred yards. No worries.
It takes several hours into the night; I've long since forgotten the noodles and munch absent-mindedly on a NutriBar I brought along just for this kind of situation. One of the better habits I took away from TCA training, that's for sure. The image finally clears and I straighten out, my spine crackling, and take a first lucid look around the area. It's cooled down and traffic is sparse, cars and pedestrians alike heading indoors. Some college kids drive by, music booming from cheap oversized speakers, flushed faces turning to look at the local weirdo. I have a brief irrational urge to stick my tongue at them and yell something obscene, but I resist; I am here in official capacity after all.
I reach into my pocket and take out my phone - well, it's a bit more advanced than that but it can call other phones as well. I contact headquarters planning to leave a message as usual, but Sentry picks up; I'm not the only one working late. She's bored on overwatch, so we chat briefly about nothing much - I feel relaxed now that I have a better temporal fix on the event, and exchanging pleasantries with another Auxiliary further reduces the stress. Sentry's always been easy to talk to, which is why I suspect she gets the late night assignments. I can certainly think of others that would do more harm than good if they picked up the phone on a stressed-out field operative. I probably shouldn't go there in this record though, so I'll stop while I'm behind.
Sentry takes my report and does the necessary magics to get it where it needs to be and I relax even more with that task done. Nothing left to do now except head home and get some sleep - tomorrow's gonna be a long day.
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