A small tug at the base of my skull while at my desk at work... A dull ache behind my eyes that I know aspirin will not cure... A thirst that a trip to the water fountain doesn't seem to quench.. I know the symptoms, and there is only one cure, only one thing in this pile of shit we call life that will bring even momentary satisfaction... Maybe I'll quit this week? I'll start over, I'll be healthy and likeable.. I'll go to the gym tomorrow, maybe take some vitamins... This one drink won't do any harm! Maybe I'll have another just to top it off...
And thus into the stupor I recreate for myself every night...
One day, when I can pull myself up from this haze of self hate and confusion perhaps I will stop this horrible cycle... Maybe one day the multiple sclerosis that is eating my brain will loosen its grip... Maybe one day this will end.
Who knows...
08/23/06 - I've been
dry and healthy for several years now. No, I didn't
find religion and join
AA.
I just fucking stopped torturing myself.