First a little
background? Perhaps herein can be found not only the
simple explanation of a writeup's
origination but also the thought process involved in its
development.
It's really not a very interesting story save perhaps to amateur psychologists and those who are of the same obsessive type who encounter similar situations. Or, maybe, just maybe, she's the universal factor to create interest. She has made it quite clear that I am not the first to feel this way about her... but I think I am the first she has felt the same about.
Excuse the digression.
So, anyway, I have been finding myself missing her immensely the last few days. For a rather obvious reason... she is off on a trip with family. Not a big deal save that ever since that first fateful not quite date we have spoken all day every day.
And once again I digress.
So I miss her. I miss her like I've never missed anyone, imagine that. And as such I've been looking for her or memories of her or anything of her to fill this emptiness inside me. And so I come to everything2. It really did not take much looking to find considering she's only shown me it once. And I figure I'll make an account and write a writeup to add to the pile or reading that has originated in me for her to enjoy when she gets home.
Did I mention she gets home today?
I already have an idea in mind. A real description of missing someone. I'll keep the clichès to a minimum and start with her own idea of what really missing someone is all about. That's it! I'll start it with a description of how I missed her before she even left. Of how I knew I'd miss her so much I warned people away from me for fear of the mood I'd be in. And then I'd go on and incorporate all that I've been feeling in such a way that she'd really understand. And, more importantly, a way that she'd know I understand she feels the same. I'll refer the writing I've done for her and to how I've thought about her every single waking moment she's been away.
When did I start back into her? Wasn't I discussing everything2?
So I come to everything2 and make my account and read all the help on linking to nodes and not creating nodes when there's a node on the general topic already and linking to nodes in cooler ways and how html works here and once I think I've maybe got it down I go and search for "missing someone." Obviously I'm not the first person ever to miss someone, I'm not even the first person to miss her. In fact, what I'm feeling probably isn't even all that unique. Or so I think as I search. And there is no "Missing Someone." In fact, there isn't even really anything especially close. There're specific descriptions of missing people, but none really fit. In fact, none are even very close and there really are not very many.
Is this digression onto the wrong topic entirely?
And so I wonder, "Is missing someone really a feeling that is unique to the experience? Can it be that no one has ever missed someone the way that I miss her?" And as I wonder this my writeup develops further. I mean, not only can I describe how much I miss her and put it out for the world to see but I can write something really profound on the nature of these feelings and maybe someone will "cool" it or at least it will connect on another level... maybe. And I formulate my plan. Not so much an outline as a line of attack. Or, I try anyway. But then I realize that I cannot stop thinking about her. That, literally, I cannot write a paragraph without "her" being in it. That I cannot even focus enough to put together the thoughts about these feelings that are racing through my mind just out of reach. And maybe that's the profound part. Maybe that's what someone will understand. But it really doesn't matter because that's all I have.