Peter was deeply troubled. Only one person could possibly
help him, the old wizard
So Peter walked through the enchanted forest, nervously watching
the shining eyes of the many ghouls and goblins silently
observing from the branches. He had good reason to be nervous.
For only last week a small boy had entered the trees and a week later
all that remained of him was a pile of bones.
What possessed young Peter to take such a terrible risk by walking through
the forest? Well, Peter was in love, in love with a beautiful and yet capricious
princess, Helen. She had agreed to marry him but on one condition, he must
first remove a limb from a member of his family. The wretch was so smitten
that he could not live without the ethically challenged yet gorgeous
After his worrying journey Peter arrived at the gnarled and hyper-intelligent
Yurggl's workshop. Accompanying the wizard was his young apprentice
"Bill". Peter could see immediately that Bill was in fact a rather
attractive young woman disguised as a man. A secret Yurggl's failing eyes
had yet to learn.
Yurggl was busy and listened impatiently to Peter's story.
Bah! Love! What do I care for your foolish romance.
Abruptly, the wizard signalled that he had heard enough and indicated
that Peter should speak to Bill as he had work to do and
no time for nonsense.
So Peter poured out his tormented heart to Bill, explaining his sorry
predicament, saying that surely only some wizardry come save him from a life
of loneliness and despair. When Peter talked about Princess Helen the
agreed that she was indeed surely the fairest of them all,
and if Bill was really a man Peter would have
sworn that was a look of lust upon his face.
Up until then Peter had been so obsessed with his own problems
that he hadn't sated his
curiosity about the cross-dressing Bill. But now he could contain himself
no longer. "Bill" turned out to be Leda. She explained that only boys
were allowed to be wizards and as a girl the only sorcerous options
open to her were in the witching line. Leda said she had a powerful
dislike of black cats and broomsticks and so felt compelled to lead
Leda was glad that Peter had taken some interest in her and, to be truthful,
Peter were his heart not already set on another, would surely have run
to the ends of the earth for her. For even in disguise it was clear
that she was both beautiful and a good listener. Leda agreed to help Peter
and swing things with the old Wizard. Leave it to me she said. But
first I need to know all about your family members. After Peter had
told Leda about about his brother, sister, mother and uncle
Leda left for a brain-storming session with Yurggl.
After an hour, although it seemed much longer to the desparately pining
she returned smiling.
Fear not dearest Peter, for all your problems are over!
Leda explained to him that this was a job that she could
manage with her own apprentice wizard powers and that
she would be happy to oblige for only a minimal fee.
Peter was beside himself with gratitude.
The next day Peter had an audience with the good-looking yet frankly
psychopathic Helen. He was accompanied by Leda and
limping uncle Bob, the old
sea dog. Although Helen didn't know it, Bob had a wooden leg,
after an amputation at sea. Leda's plan was to use her unearthly powers
to make the wooden leg appear real, fooling the less than saintly Helen.
The princess tapped her foot, impatient for the gorefest to begin.
Leda quickly murmured her spell and began to saw at Bob's leg with an
evil-looking, serrated blade of the purest silver. Bob
screamed and shouted as if in the most apalling pain. Peter thought
to himself that this was really quite convincing and much better than
anything Bob had managed in the run-through. Peter glanced
at Leda. He thought crossly to himself that she really shouldn't look as though
she was enjoying herself quite so much. That might give the game away.
All the same he could understand her amusement, Bob's acting was rather
Abruptly Bob, perhaps rather over-doing it at this stage spasmed
in seeming agony and his arm struck Leda's knife-hand. At once Peter
felt indescribable pain that was all too real. For Leda's knife had
sliced through his finest trousers and lopped his penis straight off!
As Peter lost consciousness with the fearful agony and loss of blood
he saw a look of the purest horror on poor Leda's face.
But Peter in his faint was mistaken! The look of horror on Leda's face
was in fact a smirk aimed at Princess Helen.
For Leda was as dark in nature
as she was fair in face. Her treacheries had been manifold, but chief
amongst these (to Bob's reckoning) was that she had in fact sawed off
his good leg! Bob's cries had sadly been all too genuine.
Her evil plan had not included the further amputation of Peter's
organ but she regarded this as a rather amusing bonus.
Princess Helen at once recognised in Leda a kindred spirit
both ethically and sexually and they lived happily every after.
Bob died of his agonising pain and poor Peter left the country to live
out his days as a bitter and twisted eunuch, unable to find happiness.