i lifted the sprite to my lips, but stopped before i took a sip. my fingers were wrapped loosely over half way around the can, and i suddenly felt so terribly.. old
. i'm not, of course, though i have been wandering around the universe for some time now. on most accounts, and from most perspectives, i'm not that old at all. this can seems so tiny now, i remember having trouble holding such things at all, i remember when i needed both hands just to hold a cup of juice
. and now.. everything i touch seems so fragile and delicate, even when i know that it isn't. sometimes i just want to stand outside and lean against the bricks that make up these walls around me, or try to wrap my arms around a huge maple
, just to know that they exist. things that i couldn't crush if i wanted to, things that are bigger than i'll ever be..
humans are tiny
, in my eyes, so small. we're all fragile, weak, and there is not much to keep us from a hasty departure from this world, from being crushed by the sheer enormity of it all. (i realize i've said this before
, but for some reason, it saddens me today
i feel distant.. but not from now, more from certain pieces of lost time
, and it really is sort of distant at this point. everything is obscured
. it's as if it were just yesterday that i fell in the mud puddle
on my first day of kindergarten, but the feeling of being not old enough to do so much, that is.. gone
. i can do anything i've ever wanted to but couldn't, at least where age is concerned
.. but still, it seems as though i can do nothing. i feel so young, inexperienced, and so awfully old all at once.
i suppose that the reason i like to place my hand in someone else's
, is to feel the same as i once did, when i was merely a little child. a closeness, almost a protection, holding hands
and.. i am never alone then, and nothing is too tiny, or too overwhelming.
i won't miss having such small hands
, so long as i am able to feel your fingers beautifully tangled with mine.