The secret passion of millions of men worldwide is about to be revealed.
Do not read on if you have no desire to have your heart wrench itself free from your chest as this incredible tale is told.
You think about making some coffee or perhaps you consider getting some freshly squeezed juice to get things rolling. It was a long night and there were all sorts of layabouts in the house drinking and smoking and being generally useless to the betterment of society. You groan as you remember. Then they catch your eye. The beautiful children of the night. The delightful remnants of so much wonderful revelry.
There they are.
Loved and discarded.
Is there any reason to host a party other than to enjoy the spoils of war? Why else but to comb through the wreckage and find those little bottles and cans that no one could manage to finish consuming. When they are found, you know that the sweetest nectar of the gods awaits your sophisticated and amorous palate.
A good party can net at least a dozen of these beauties. They can sing to you the next morning and provide you with the inspiration to rise before any of those who crashed on the floor even open their eyes. For you know that the early bird catches the worm. Only the brave and the quick can assure themselves of enjoying every precious droplet that lingers in those bottles and cans.
Do not lie to me!
You savor them all.
You look around.
You make sure no one sees.
But you raise each one to your lips.
And you partake of their sweet glory!
It is exactly like falling in love with someone you thought you lost years ago. Exactly.
Go ahead. Put on some music. Dance around the room. You know you will be unable to resist the temptation to pick up each and every bottle and pour their precious contents across your lips. You feel like a slut. You feel so cheap. You feel like you are violating yourself under the watchful eyes of God. But you can't stop. Can you?
Haste makes waste.
Make love not war.
Drink not drunk.
Celebrate the moments of your life.
Celebrate by enjoying them again.
Join with me now in prayer:
May the well never run dry, and may party guests never develop the ability to finish one beer before opening another. May the hopelessly lost continue to misplace their beverages and allow them to acquire flavor over the passage of time. May life always be so sweet. Amen.