Sometimes I feel like such a
scandalous broad, and other times I feel like I'm simply living life to it's fullest. Women always tend to blame the other woman in the
instance that "their man" has been
lured in a different
direction. In that theory I'm a terrible
dame.
However, I find that the men are so easy to
stray. I found a man attractive this very night, but did not act, for I
presumed that he was with another (in fact, I was even told in a casual manner). My night carried on, mingling, observing, drinking... I offered some
acquaintances a ride to wherever they were going, for I was ready to leave and didn't quite feel like going home yet. They invited me to the
loft of the very man I spotted. I went with the
insinuated girlfriend to the formentioned
abode. I hung out, smoked, drank water and observed a pool game. Everything was
just peachy. I didn't pay mention to the forementioned attractive man, because it is never my
intention to disrupt a "happy relationship".
Later he offers to show me a part of the place that I had not seen before, I willingly
obliged assuming the most innocent of outcomes. I mentioned my favourable opinion of the area and continued my tour. He properly asked if he could kiss me, which threw me off guard. I then of course questioned his status with the formentioned "girlfriend". He gave the line of "oh, we're going through difficult times and have a sort of understanding," At first I was hesitant, but not long after I gave in. Intense, amazing,
raw, passionate, alive was the experience. And shamefully, I don't feel guilty. I felt an even stronger
energy due to the fact that I was doing something because I wanted to, selfishly. I've been through simliar situations and feel like it's not my
fault if someone is interested in me. The woman was interested in the man, but the man was interested in me. I know what I'm getting into, I am accountable for my actions, but I look at it in the man's eyes and feel like he's not a piece of
property. The woman he's with should question his
trust, not mine. If it went further I would understand that at any moment he might find someone more
appealing, on the other hand, as might I.
Relationships are different in this
age. It's harder to keep interest, more difficult to trust. Marriages break, love dies. I am certainly not an
innocent, I've had my share of hurting and being hurt, but I see things as they are, and don't run my life in fear of
drama.
The co-worker whose friends these were
subtley said "...but they are definately
soulmates", when I returned, referring to the formentioned "relationship", she is also
protective of her friend, which is understandable. I cannot begin to
reflect on what drama would be created, how I would get fired, should this thing progress. In the long run I don't care, for I am entirely sick of
petty soap operas.
See me as you wish, but see me as I am.