Not only has nobody ever seen a pant alone, nobody knows what a pant is! Since nobody knows what to look for, they will really never find a pant.

However, to remedy the situation, I shall put forth a theory of the pant. A pant can refer to one of three things, as follows:

  1. The outside layer of the pants (that first makes contact with hot coffee).
  2. The middle layer (which transmits the hot coffee to the inner pant).
  3. The innner layer (that holds the hot coffee close to your skin; quite painful!).
So, when we say "pants", we refer to all three in unison. In accordance to this theory, I would also like to propose a rather ingenious invention: the Two Thirds Pants.

The Two Thirds Pants contains the two important pants: the outside (which blocks light from going in) and the inside (which blocks light from going out). This way, your privacy is maintained. However, it has no middle pant. This way, the hot coffee never makes it to the skin. In fact, since the middle pant has become a void, the hot coffee is sucked right out of the outer layer and into oblivion, preventing a stain*! Less is more!

* Actually, while the two pants are unstained, the void/oblivion will end up with a rather nasty stain and stench of coffee. Not our problem.

Pant (?), v. i. [imp. & p. p. Panted; p. pr. & vb. n. Panting.] [Cf. F. panteler to gasp for breath, OF. panteisier to be breathless, F. pantois out of breath; perh. akin to E. phantom, the verb prob. orig. meaning, to have the nightmare.]


To breathe quickly or in a labored manner, as after exertion or from eagerness or excitement; to respire with heaving of the breast; to gasp.

Pluto pants for breath from out his cell. Dryden.


Hence: To long eagerly; to desire earnestly.

As the hart panteth after the water brooks. Ps. xlii. 1.

Who pants for glory finds but short repose. Pope.


To beat with unnatural violence or rapidity; to palpitate, or throb; -- said of the heart.



To sigh; to flutter; to languish.


The whispering breeze Pants on the leaves, and dies upon the trees. Pope.


© Webster 1913.

Pant, v. t.


To breathe forth quickly or in a labored manner; to gasp out.

There is a cavern where my spirit Was panted forth in anguish. Shelley.


To long for; to be eager after.


Then shall our hearts pant thee. Herbert.


© Webster 1913.

Pant, n.


A quick breathing; a catching of the breath; a gasp.



A violent palpitation of the heart.



© Webster 1913.

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